This morning I woke up and remembered that, once upon a time, I had a blog. An immeasurably small place in the world wide web -- but a place all the same! -- into which I unequivocally poured my affections and my sorrows. You.
I'm sorry. I've been, and this is putting it rather lightly, preoccupied; you were increasingly neglected, and eventually fell to the wayside, to the very back of my thoughts. Right next to the growing pile of things I have been meaning to do but have simply put off doing, feebly making excuses involving the words "I'm too tired," "I'm so stressed out these days," and "I'm busy making money, damn it!"
When I woke up this morning I thought of you, and realized that it's been over a month since we last intimately spoke. So much has happened in the last thirty-five days, and I missed being able to tell you, my confidante, about it. You made me recall the other things I had relegated to second place as I decided to make my new job the number one priority: spending time with friends, running and practicing yoga, keeping my room clean (read: maintaining relatively inhabitable living quarters), playing in the sun, reading, having dinner with my mom every now and then...namely things that used to make me happy and drive me forwards in life. I don't want to admit it, dear, but I was growing more and more complacent in the lifestyle I had nestled into post-graduation. I was beginning to confuse ease with happiness, and -- as you've always known -- the two are not one and the same.
An entire month has come and gone, and I've run out of excuses to make. The period of transition has long passed, and while there are still definite tweaks and adjustments to be made in my new work lifestyle (like today, when I brought lunch to work for the very first time in my adult life!), it's time to refocus my goals and energy. It dawned on me recently that in order sustain myself in the workplace, I need to be able to enjoy the time I have out of it. Which means allocating and setting aside time in my short day to do the things I used to love doing. And if it means waking up just a little earlier in the mornings, then so be it. Being active can be fun. Complacency definitely isn't.
People always make a big fuss about finding "a happy medium," and I'm beginning to see that if ever there were an overarching mantra to my life, this one would be it. I'm sure that, after all of the time you've spent watching me drift from one extreme to the next, you would be quick to agree.
1 comment:
congrats on bringing lunch 2 days in a row! new leaf turned over! wohoo!
in other news, i totally feel you on the complacency business. no doubt you're thinking: why yes, i'm sure you do, e. and while i certainly agree that ease and happiness are not the same thing, i'm going to propose that the last thirty-five days (big number, no?) have been anything but easy. now that there is a discernible pattern to the workday and your/my schedule, i think it's definitely time to step it up - but it's also been a time of change.
i feel the same way when i've let a project *ahem* slide for a little while... or drop off the face of the earth, as it may be. i still have an entire bag of flour in the freezer (whole wheat) i bought back in like, oh, november? being like, i swear to god, "i'm going to bake bread." i even said it out loud. it never happened. on a slightly different track, i find that the happy medium (media?) often changes - okay, sometimes i'm freaking lazy, but there's a slim chance the so-called "balance" is tilting in a different direction, for one reason or another.
forgive me if i catch a hint of the daily tracker - allocating one's time? :) let me know how it goes! make public declarations on your blog about what you're doing! and i'll hold you accountable! once again, entirely about you, having NOTHING to do with my entertainment. and good call on the style, btw.
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