Listening To: 12.30.10

I was trying really hard to find a song that would sum up 2010 for me, and "Street Lights" just kept coming up. Aside from being one of the most played songs on my iTunes, it pretty much says everything I could possibly try and say about this year as a whole. 2010 was a tremendous year, and the lessons that I learned often came at a terrible price. I can honestly say I've never hit such highs and fallen to such lows before. But it's okay. I am surviving, and that's really the most important part. Here are a few more songs that have been on heavy rotation lately. 2011, please be good to me. Please.

We Used To Wait - Arcade Fire

Mushrooms & Roses - Janelle Monae

These Worries - KiD CuDi

Wildflower - Cee Lo Green

Ondule - Mathieu Boogaerts

Nocturne in G Major Op. 37 No. 2 - Frederic Chopin

Sans Soleil - Miike Snow

Zebra - Beach House

Everytime We Say Goodbye - Ella Fitzgerald

Shutterbugg - Big Boi & Cutty

Lalibela - Caribou

I'm The Best - Nicki Minaj

Lovesong Of The Buzzard - Iron & Wine

Lucifer - Jay-Z

For The Summer - Ray LaMontagne

The Co-Dependent - Sia

The Only One - The Black Keys

Ay Mi Vidita - Pedro Luis Ferrer

Arabesque No. 1, in E Major - Claude Debussy

Got Nuffin - Spoon

Heroes of the Sidewalk - Two Hours Traffic

Half Mast - Empire Of The Sun

Lost

"The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you." - Lost in Translation

I felt like I was drowning today. Actually, that's sort of a lie. I've been feeling this way for a long time, for the last several months. I became so overwhelmed by the issues in my life that somewhere along the way, I gave up trying to figure out any of them, and gave in to the sea. I slowly slid underwater. Because when you're underwater, you don't hear or see anything, and it's nice. I like the nothingness.

But today...today, I felt like I was drowning in the oblivion, grasping at everything and nothing. Until I finally told someone all that I've been feeling lately, and how I was collapsing under the perceived enormity of my problems. Sometimes things just seem so much bigger than they really should be, I guess. I'm okay now, at least for the time being. I'm slowly beginning to realize that life -- be it work, family or love -- really boils down to one simple thing. And that's knowing exactly what it is that you want. When you figure out what your heart is asking for out of a certain area in your life, everything afterwards just seems so much more bearable. It's only the execution of your plan, step by step. It's the initial building blocks, the very foundations and groundwork, that I was missing and so desperately trying to acquire all of this time. Without a place to start, I had inadvertently paralyzed myself into a state of complete inaction and negativity.

But I'm starting to put the pieces together now. I felt the urge to write this all down so that later on, when I will inevitably get lost again, I'll be reminded of this moment of clarity and resolve, and find my way back out of the dark waters once more.

Merry

My favorite holiday and truly the most wonderful time of the year. Merry Christmas everyone! Go be happy.

Fail

Before:

After:

Before my grueling three-hour bike ride and after. Turns out there is such a thing as too much fun. And now I'm sick! Failblog.

Schlorry Schlo

Dear Schlo,

Yep, you guessed it! This is totally an open letter to you, my dearest friend. And confidante (is there a feminine word for confidante? Confidantee? Sounds sort of like amputee...) And occasional wing-girl. My apologies for not producing blog entries of substance for your after-hours viewing pleasure. I suck. It's the holiday season and I've been busy! Just this week alone, I managed to down five stiff cocktails on a Monday night, buy my first tube of lipstick (Laura Mercier, good shit), bike eighteen miles (uphill and down!) into the wintry depths of Brooklyn, smoke my first cigar, play fetch with a dog in the middle of the street, devour the most delicious Stumptown chocolate chip cookie, and hit the gym for the first time in weeks (a sad victory). Needless to say, it's been hard fitting time into my schedule to churn out thought-provoking entries in the hopes of engaging my many readers (read: zero...wait, no, there's you! one!) in intellectual discourse (HA!). So yeah, I'm sorry. Can you accept this blog entry, dedicated to the awesomeness that is you, as my apology/love letter? I promise you that all this holiday frolicking is actually field research for my next big piece (title yet to be revealed). I'm thinking something along the lines of carpe diem: x-mas version. Something tantalizing like that. In the meantime, I hope this little ditty will suffice. Think of it as an amuse bouche for your main course. Yeah, I'm a tool.

I heart you,

Burgerface

Lawnguyland

Once upon a Long Island, I used to live here.

Passing Time

A little known fact: when I'm upset and unable to get past something, I turn to baking to pass the time. Or to stall, I guess. It's a nice diversion because all you have to do is follow someone else's instructions. I was a little disappointed recently, and needed something to make me feel better. Et voila: chocolate-covered peanut butter pretzel bites. I brought these into the office this morning and they were promptly demolished by the end of the day. See? When it comes to baking, everybody wins.

Apartment Sweet Apartment

the glamourai

Either everyone neglected to tell me this, or I really wasn't paying attention when I was told apartment hunting is hard. I woke up one morning recently, and decided I didn't want to live at home anymore. A seemingly spontaneous decision, but one that was a long time coming I think. After spending more than a year amongst the creature comforts of living with my family, I think I'm ready to move out and move on. The other day I was trying to express to a friend my exact motivations for wanting my own place. This will sound a little silly, but the truth is that I'm ready to not be spoiled. I've found that living at home has made me fiscally...wayward (read: bad). And I'm ready to be a little more disciplined with my meager and constantly depleting funds. I want to worry about utilities, making rent, keeping grocery shopping to a minimum (maybe avoiding the white truffle butter -- even when it sounds incredible -- because it costs ten bucks a pop). And while spending more money just so that I can save more money sounds a tad counterintuitive, I know, deep down, that it's the only way I'll ever learn to be more responsible for myself. No more impulsive online shopping! No more gifts to the New York Public Library for overdue fines! I'm keeping my eyes on the lookout for the perfect apartment, and a clean slate for 2011.

Carved You Like a Stone

Song of the moment. It feels like how waking up should feel. Going to put this song on loop, and go out for a morning run now.

P-I-C

My 22nd Birthday

This picture was sent to me recently, and brought a smile to my face. Big, tender shout out to my "P-I-C," or Partner-in-Crime. Without you I'd be a sloppy mess of a kid, sober and drunk. Thanks for keeping my head on straight, for all the gentle nudges, and for the firm, steady, and honest advice I know I can always count on. Seriously...you my sister from another mister.