Thx

I wanted to share one of my favorite blogs, thx thx thx. No need to delve into details, as the pictures really speak for themselves. When I was younger, I used to slide into bed every night and think about one positive thing and one negative thing that happened to me that day. For the most part, I would usually come up with an answer for a negative thing first, then scour through the contents of that day for something positive to remember. Looking back, I realized I was always just coming up with positives instead of actually believing in them. If that makes any sense. And while at first I was a bit doubtful there was something to be thankful for each and everyday, I really do believe in Leah's thank you cards. I might even start my own...

P.S. I'm thankful for blogs.

Trajectory

I wanted to begin by apologizing for the abrupt and unexpected halt in blogging. It's not that the creative juices haven't been flowing and moving as per usual. On the contrary, I believe that I've done more concentrated critical thinking in the last few weeks than I really ever have in the course of my adult life. It's inevitable, I guess, as I find myself in the most novel of transitional phases right now.

Job searching is mentally, physically, and -- perhaps most of all -- emotionally taxing. Never did I imagine that sharing the story of the last three and a half years of my life with complete and utter strangers over and over and over again would be this exhaustive a process on my mind and body. But surprisingly, it is. This is, by no means, a childish complaint. I've rather enjoyed meeting the people that I've met, and have been exposed to a wider array of companies and corporate cultures/structures than ever before. And applying to jobs and then interviewing for them is something that I am admittedly good at. No joke. In fact, I would honestly go so far as to say that I am disgustingly good at the interview process. Having honed my interpersonal chops in the course of my last several Recruiting-related positions, I know exactly what people want to hear me say, and exactly how to say it. It's a fortunate advantage that I don't take for granted. Regardless of this skill, it has still been immensely tiring repeatedly submitting myself to the hands of corporate fate and the shallow judgment of others. Who is really to say I am under-qualified or over-qualified for a position but me? I should think that I know my own strengths and limits better than anyone else.

The thing that's most difficult of all, though, is the reflective period that immediately follows each interview. After enthusiastically giving my spiel for the umpteenth time, voicing my questions regarding the position, offering my thanks for their valuable time and patience, and finally departing their offices, I'm always forced to look back at my entire career trajectory and re-evaluate the decisions I've made to get to where I am now. Rarely do I spend a lot of time examining and picking apart the contents of my interview. I've been finding that I care a lot more about the emotions each interview generates within me in regards to my past. I want to be able to say that the choices I made at every turning point in my life were the right ones, that every job I've ever obtained has been a stepping stone to bring me closer to this perfect job I'm so desperately searching for. And in the face of denial and rejection, it has been incredibly hard to remain sure of these decisions, and to remember not to second-guess myself and my life. As cliched as it sounds, it's been difficult to remember "me" as I continue to mold and adjust myself to the expectations of every interview, but I am trying very, very hard to.

Because I've had so many opportunities for reflection and thought, I haven't been as compelled as usual to let everything all out here, which I hope can reasonably justify the drought of blog entries in recent weeks. But sometimes it's better that way, I think. As much as I depend upon this blog as an outlet into which I can unabashedly pour all of my emotions, I'm also learning that I ultimately gain more and ingrain more from my interactions with others. Which, I suppose, is why I am pursuing a career in Recruiting in the first place. But this is only one of the many lessons I've picked up as I continue along this new path of post-collegiate wisdom.

Dancer's Pose

at Red Rock Canyon
I wouldn't mind waking up to do yoga every morning if I could do it in the stillness of a canyon. I have no doubts that the quietness of one's physical setting has a positive influence on quieting one's heart and mind as well. But then I think back on all those sweltering afternoons I spent at Yoga to the People, that hot and sticky den of college students and penny-pinching New Yorkers. If I can find peace in my noisy heart amidst sweaty strangers, then I shouldn't need to seek calmer, more reverent locales to practice my yoga, right? Still, it couldn't hurt to have access to them.
I'm a little weary and skeptical of New Year's resolutions. I'm tired of coming up with a list of half-hearted to-do's just so I can have something to say when I'm asked that most dreaded of questions. For once in my life, I'd like to be realistic with myself, and honest as well. So here is my New Year's "proposal." I choose not to say "resolution" because I think it has the ability to seriously and inevitably psyche a person out. Its implications, that one must resolve a life conflict or dramatically augment a bad behavior, forces one to jump the many sub-steps involved in goal planning in favor of the extremes. Which, as I have learned year after year, almost never works. I'd rather start small and work my way up to a goal I would ultimately like to achieve than to start big and go out early in 2010, crashing and burning and crying.
So without further ado, here is what I propose to myself. I want to find more of nature in this artificial jungle that I live in. Whether it be happening upon an undiscovered garden or venturing into the lush depths of Central Park or even going out of my way to go hiking upstate, I want -- nay, need -- to maintain a sense of the natural in my increasingly man-made life and lifestyle. I love Manhattan to pieces, but God do I miss having a backyard. Every time that I come across a new locale, I'll be sure to jot it down here and let you know. Because the point of a blog is to disseminate knowledge, to transmit otherwise unknown ideas amongst friends and strangers alike. And, perhaps more importantly, because every New Yorker deserves a little bit of grass where they too can work on their dancer's pose.